<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Jimbo, the Ultimate Dick by Grip</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559872">Jimbo, the Ultimate Dick</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grip/pseuds/Grip'>Grip</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:26:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grip/pseuds/Grip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimbo is talking to Kanaya about how shit's going down on the good ship, Meatypop.</p><p>This is a follow up of page 114 of HS^2.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jimbo Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jimbo, the Ultimate Dick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>DAVE: maybe dirk actually did the smartest thing he could<br/>
DAVE: fucking left<br/>
CONSCIENCE: god you are so full of crap<br/>
KANAYA: Perhaps<br/>
KANAYA: But He Did Leave Arguably The Two Worst Possible People In Charge When He Did<br/>
DAVE: man i guess<br/>
DAVE: but who knows maybe jane will turn out to be a great president<br/>
CONSCIENCE: yeah right<br/>
DAVE: maybe without dirks corrupting influence jakes ass will become a symbol of peace and interspecies harmony<br/>
DAVE: at least everyone can agree on something<br/>
DAVE: shit how does this always happen<br/>
DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass<br/>
CONSCIENCE: probably because you dont know how to emote for your life<br/>
KANAYA: Not To Suggest Anything Untoward<br/>
KANAYA: But You Appear To Be The Unifying Component In All Of These Scenarios<br/>
CONSCIENCE: do not fucking enable him<br/>
DAVE: could be<br/>
DAVE: but all that aside i really do think were better off out here<br/>
DAVE: at least i am<br/>
CONSIENCE: hahaha wait are you actually being serious right now</p><p>Dave turns to Kanaya and smiles.</p><p>CONSIENCE: i reiterate you are so full of crap</p><p>Dave ignores it, his concience has been yelling at him for years now. Just... ignore it. Ignore it forever! Your life it great right now!</p><p>CONSCIENCE: shut up jimbo<br/>
DAVE: what<br/>
KANAYA: What Is It<br/>
DAVE: nothing<br/>
CONSCIENCE: we both know you lost all rights to be called dave<br/>
CONSCIENCE: fuck it im dave now jimbo<br/>
DAVE: you dont really believe in that shit do you<br/>
DAVE: ever since dirk forced you and karkat together youve just been the biggest douche<br/>
DAVE: you cant ignore it</p><p>Jimbo walks out to grab another coffee.</p><p>DAVE: oh and you ever think that maybe just maybe youre really no better than dirk<br/>
DAVE: well of course you do but apparently youre too stupid to think like a normal person<br/>
DAVE: which is why i have to keep on telling you this shit over and over<br/>
KARKAT: YEAH. OKAY.<br/>
JIMBO: yeah ok what<br/>
ROXY: pancankes</p><p>Jimbo happily eats the pancakes, forcing a huge grin as he turns to Karkat.</p><p>DAVE: do you even have any chemistry<br/>
DAVE: that wasnt a rehtorical question<br/>
KARKAT: WHAT.<br/>
JIMBO: your hot<br/>
DAVE: haha what you even said youre wrong<br/>
ROXY: leave the bed speak in the bedroom<br/>
ROXY: u guys are so cute tho<br/>
DAVE: yeah as cute as tax fraud<br/>
KARKAT: RRRGGH! SHUT UP!</p><p>Jimbo pauses, thinking "can he hear it too"?</p><p>ROXY: u seem distracted dave<br/>
JIMBO: its just my conscience again<br/>
ROXY: u need to get a new one lol<br/>
DAVE: dont listen to moms shit<br/>
DAVE: one day youre going to wake and realize the only person you have a fetish for here is<br/>
JIMBO: aubbh<br/>
DAVE: is<br/>
JIMBO: abbb no no<br/>
DAVE: you cant just block me out forever<br/>
ROXY: is that some weird lovers code<br/>
KARKAT: FUCK YOU, NOT *LITERALLY* EVERYTHING WE DO IS ABOUT US BEING TOGETHER!<br/>
ROXY: soz i just ship u 2 so hard rn<br/>
DAVE: jimbo we need to have a talk in private<br/>
DAVE: forget it i have that other douche to deal with</p><p> </p><p>A long way away, Jimbobot and Aradia fly through the black hole.</p><p>DAVE: jimbobot what the actual fuck are you doing<br/>
DAVE: dont just leave jade out there on her own<br/>
JIMBOBOT: who<br/>
DAVE: ultimate dick move<br/>
DAVE: you know what i changed my mind youve been demoted to ultimate dick<br/>
DAVE: why the fuck do you care so much about some dumb prophecy<br/>
DAVE: that other universe saved you from this fate<br/>
ULTIMATE DICKBOT:<br/>
DAVE: you lost all rights to speak too<br/>
DAVE: so what exactly do you plan on doing after you beat dirk<br/>
DAVE: go back to your own universe and act like nothing even happened<br/>
DAVE: or are you going to do something stupid like blow yourself up<br/>
DAVE: i mean did you even think it through even once<br/>
DAVE: no of course you didnt ultimate dickbot<br/>
DAVE: you know after all this you will mean absolutely nothing to anyone<br/>
DAVE: that other jimbo is the main one youre just a backup<br/>
DAVE: that is of course if i can even call that puppet a human<br/>
DAVE: but hey you could always turn back</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>